I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
