i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
