I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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