So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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