I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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