I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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