just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
