Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
