Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
