i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
