Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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