I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
