You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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