I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
