Got a toothbrush?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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