why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
