I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
