I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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