Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
