i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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