Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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