dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
