I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
