Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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