We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
