I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
