I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
