don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
