Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
