very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
