You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
