i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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