His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
