im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
