My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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