Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize