I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
