.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
