How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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