Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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