She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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