Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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