Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
