i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
