Don't you send me to vm
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
