Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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