Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
