We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
