Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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