Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
