I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
