clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize