KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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