a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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