and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
