Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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