you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
