He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
