Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
