i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
