rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
3 2 1 whiskey
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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