Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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