He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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