Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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