he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
