Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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