Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
