We're facebook friends in real life
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
