i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
