I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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