apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
