Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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