I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
