What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Alive.
So much puke
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize