Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
