he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
