Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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