My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
