I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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