she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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