I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
