Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
