Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
