Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
