Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
