I must be too annoying 4 u.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
