Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
