it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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