don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
