I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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