So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
