If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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